BACK-BRAKING

 

BACK-BRAKING

by Martine De Luna

        No, that isn't a typo in today's title. I have a point. It has to do with (1) my back and, (2) the art of "braking." I suppose this type of blog post is what they call a "brain f**t" but I can't bring myself to call it that. So let's just call it another "study" in the art of making things blissful. OK? Ok.

        I pulled my back the other week, see. It all began when I had a meeting at a cafe nearby, and had to bring Krista with me. I was alone, and waited for my husband to pick me up after my meeting was through. And so I carried Krista around in my sling, maybe for a good 40 minutes. I didn't notice it of course until we got home and my shoulders ached. So I scheduled the home service masseuse to come and work on me that night, to relax me a bit.

        Well, turns out I will never ever hire that masseuse again, because while she was massaging me she manipulated a nerve in my lower back, causing a small tearing of the muscles. I only felt it keenly, however, when I reached down the next day to pick up Krista from her high chair during Sunday brunch. Immediately, I felt this piercing pain course through me. It was awful, enough to keep me hunched over. I hated it!

        For the next few days (well, whole of last week, actually!), I was mostly hunched over and wincing in pain. I couldn't do anything around the house, and I felt so utterly useless. Thank God I had no important matters to attend to outside the house, but even doing the daily chores was torture. Here's a glimpse into the mess in the kitchen, sigh!

        What's worse is that I couldn't take care of both kids a hundred percent of the time, with my usual faculties. I was instructed by my physical therapist to not lift anything, especially the baby (who now weighs a hefty 18.7 pounds at 6 months old). You can imagine how hard this was for me and her, being attached at the hip almost every day. (She is a high-need baby.) When it came to nursing, the only way to safely do so was to lie down on my side and nurse the baby that way, but every time I'd go on my side, my back would twitch in pain, I seriously had no comfort, whether I sat down or lay down. It was awful!

       ***

        I received an email from my friend Maricel during the middle of the week, which gave me much comfort. She related the same kind of back problems that she used to have, and her empathy made me feel a lot better. Part of her email mentioned taking a rest, catching up on reading and just really slowing down and waiting for the healing to happen naturally, in time.

        I back-read on some of the blogs I'd written in the past, like those about slow living and being less-hurried. Of course, the posts spoke keenly to me because it was like the injury pulled the brakes on my life, forcing me to just stop and be injured. What a weird thing to say, but it's true: It's like who I was in that moment was saying to just "be" in this state of helplessness and dependence on my loved ones and caregivers.

        So that's why I say it's been a "back-braking" week.

***

        As of this paragraph, I'm much better. It's been almost two weeks since the stupid strained muscle and nerve-pinching, and I am doing well. There is still a bit of back strain whenever I forget to stand up for a time, which explains the short spurts that I've been writing this blog post! I also have to go back to doing my back stretches to avoid sciatica, stretches that I've been lax about, hence, the injury. (OK, ok, so the masseuse isn't to blame for my out-of-shape #mombod. I have no excuse for it!)

        Being injured and unable to do my usual tasks is always humbling. It was like a force beckoning me "halt!" and step on my brakes abruptly. It wasn't just about schedules being screwed up and conveniently ordering take out. It was really a wake up call for several things, like slowing down (again, forever!) and getting back in shape (mea culpa!). I've actually been tapering down on work and on-location meetings in the city (too stressful to go through the traffic in Manila), but I realize that balance with the working at home also needs some "braking," some thoughtful "stops" to our current methods. With every change that happens for the kids - Vito needing more attention in his homeschooling (despite how intentionally relaxed we are about it), Krista needing more attention now that she is on solids and starting to crawl changes also need to happen for Ton and me and the way we work and run the household.

        Braking, when it's in a moving vehicle, prevents, safeguards, protects. I'm seeing the parallel in our home and family and work life, too. My forced brake because of the back injury was protecting things like our family dynamics, the quality of rest that I needed. Now that I'm out of that hellish pain, I can look back at things with some kind of gratitude. 

***

        OK, now that I'm recovered, it's time to get down to the real deal of strengthening my core again, working on my exercises again, and adjusting to the pace of life right now. I've had time to think and take stock. Now it's time to live my next stage of normal.

        Has an injury or illness ever forced you to "brake," too? What insights did you have? Let's talk about it in the comments, maybe?